The Plight of a d-grader

After readin my previous posts, you might be wondering how some one can b so abysmally stupid n thick headed, so much so that even Rakhi Sawant's swayambar Eelesh falls pale in comparison.But this illusion to you, of me being the absolute extreme of brainless homosapiens on earth, has happened to you probably because you have not met my roommate.Uh - what Astuteness, wot acumen, wot sagacity .N jus for HIS clarification if he is reading this - Sagacity is not the name of any city in the US.Dictionary.com main meaning search kar.Such is his level of aptitude ,that till recently, he thought Dandi March was some form of Dandiya Competition in Gujrat in which Mahatma Gandhi had participated.And he still believes that Sidney Sheldon is a female who lives in Sydney.Yesterday he was askin me weather that gal Sheldon had any role in orchestrating racial abuse against Indians.N now, Ladies n Gentleman, to give u a short illustration of the creative craft ship and intellectual brilliance of the genius I have been raving about, let me have the honour to present before u a small poem which he has composed

Disclaimer - Please ensure any object where you might bang your head on is not in close proximity before you start to read the poem .Further, do see to that you have a couple of nervous breakdown pills handy.We are not liable for any damage in the computer screen if you decide to smash it after you have read the poem.And if you do decide on committing suicide, ensure you write a suicide note stating that you read the poem fully aware of warnings given beforehand, and hence, we are not to be prosecuted

The poem is called "D- Grader", dedicated to all those b skoolers whose interest in studies is as great as Mamta Banerjee's interest in America's domestic rugby season.And for those who just arrived from a stay in the thick forest of Arizona, a b skool is a term used for Business Schools, and students out here are graded relatively to one another on a scale of 4.33.Anything above 3.66 is A, and anything below 1.66 is D....B & C in between those ranges.

So after these moronic descriptions and non- sensical details, letz finally get started with the poem :

Cigarette on one hand and on another a cup of tea
I glanced at my marksheet which showed yet another 'D'
I wonder why when the class average is 3, I still get a D
Then i realise that if not for my D,the class average would have been 3.3


As soon as i saw my marksheet , i wanted to pee
As i had a lot of beer ,with biryani which had no ghee
I dont know wot to do now except watching few more movies of Bruce Lee
Or maybe, like Gautum Buddha, go and sit under some Bodhi Tree.

But Bodh Gaya is too far fetched, I dont even have money to go to Kullu Manali
Oh God, y does such a distressing state fall upon me??
And this too when I spend so much sleepless nights, praying on my knee!!
God, do a miracle, and give some solution to thee..


How I scored well and cracked CAT is still a mystery
And then To come here n study, I paid such a hefty fee
Oh God, gimme some , atleast some easy key.
Of a life without any work, comprised of drinking beer and babe-watching by the sea



PS - As always, keepin with the tradition, please dont take me seriously.I love to exaggerate and write utter non-sense in my blog.My roommate, though a little silly, is actually an amazingly sociable, warm hearted ,highly intelligent and good humored dude.All this exaggeration was actually done coz am aiming a job at aaj tak - they wanted a practical illustration on how good I was in cooking up stories.The disclaimers though do not refute the poet of his rightful credit - The poet of this composition stands to be my room mate.

An Enduring lapse of Logic

Baba Ramdev aint that bad a guy.You lose money in betting; you are dumped by your girlfriend - who btw also decides not to return the Latest Nokia Cell phone which claims to contain everything except a washing machine & a nuclear missile launcher, and which had a cost you a fortune; you flunk in 3 papers in your term exam which comprised of 3 papers in all ; you get caught kissing your neighbour Kittu Auntyz daughter - whatever be the reason - all you need to do is hear his discourse, the perennial "Zindagi to ek maaya hain " blabber and force urself to believe in the forces of Maya,Aatma and Moksha n a few more similar yet otherwise uncomprehending concepts - n bang, you dont feel bad anymore.

So Lemme at the outset dedicate my reincarnation at Blogger to Baba Ramdev.You know, One day very soon , I might just get frustrated and decide to give a head on competition to Bill Gates - I might jus bet all my savings for Bangladesh in a world cup match against India, and unless India decides to continue on playing Ishant and Irfan Pathan, they just might win the match - me at the end of the day left with this huge "Bill", and shown the "Gate".And then I just might bump into Baba Ramdev's pravachans, and having nothing better to do, and already being kicked out of my Job, attend all his discourses and yoga aasans with full earnestness and sincerity. Who knows, I mite jus be appointed as the successor to his holiness's legacy .Cutting the story short, If such a day does dawn on earth, I might jus as well practice giving some free pravachans from this very moment - Making People believe in illusions , and that too convincingly needs huge perseverance after all!! So if you are of the types who have nothing better to do than count the numbers of keys in the keyboard all day, or who got fired from his college for flunking five times straight and hence have no job - Ensure u do communicate your feedback on how the pravachaans furnished below inspired and motivated u to do something worthwhile in life, and how your life completely transformed after this...


1 ) There's something definetly wrong with the Indian Youth - this includes me 2.I mean, the whole town has turned red owing to Valentines Day, Newspapers are dedicating supplementary specially dedicated to this day for the entire week, every second guy in college is talking bout how moral policing has turned into moron policing,the revenue generated by sales of roses in Delhi on 14th Feb is probably more than the GDP of Kenya and Zimbabwe combined - the list just goes on and on revolving the hype created around a day, concieved and marketed by some of the bestMarketing Brains of some of the finest American MNC's. Now, I do understand on how a bunch of hooligans doesnot have the right to curb our freedom of choice on the pretext of safegaurding our culture ( a culture which surprisingly boasts of Kaamasutra too), and how love is such a wonderful emotion to prevail.But Marketing of Love to this an extent?? Feb 13th was also the anniversary of Bhagat Singh, Sukhdev and Rajguru's death - we do love to rave about how they have become immortal icons for generations to come - To my surprise, I didnot even find one small column of TOI, on the same.Channels after Channels were running shows on how Muthalik's face was smeared with black paint, nobody felt it was important to telecast one single show on how a bunch of college goin kids took on an entire British Kingdom, without seeking ne self centered goals.Such a shame!!

2) Continuing on Vday,here are some excerpt on "going around" from Abhinav Jain's Blog ( This dude is a Chetan Bhagat in making - jus go thru his blog contents n u wud kno m not exaggerating - n for one, I dont wanna be another Vidhu Vinod Chopra, refuting an author of his rightful credit)

" When I was a kid , having a girlfriend meant two things about the guy :

1. The guy ranks somewhere between Matt Damon and George Clooney on the looks index.He walks by a women's college and the girls trample the professor in their hurry to run out and catch a glimpse .

2. The guy ranks somewhere between Mukesh Ambani and Richard Branson on the financial standing index. He frequently uses a hundred rupee note to wipe his nose and his bank needed to hire an extra floor to stack his cash deposits.

But now , not having a girlfriend says two things about the guy :

1. He is gay.
2. He is definitely gay.

I mean , I look around and see even convicts serving life sentences in Tihar going around in the jail premises with the female convicts from the ladies ward. Guys who aren't even close to respecting a woman have girlfriends . Even Mika has girlfriends - two of them. To be as short as Ayesha Takia's skirt , I guess most of the Indian guys in the age group of 16-30 have a girlfriend.('Tell-me-why' query - Can someone explain to me why having a girlfriend is termed "going around" ? Does it originate from the hindi films wherein Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh spent countless hours running in circles around trees , bushes and water fountains ?)."

And when u urself have had 4 relationships, all with endings so dreadful that probably even Devdas would look like messiah of "Happy go Lucky" chaps in comparison, you know you cant agree more with Abhinav ;-).Btw, I spent today drinking beer, and reading economic times whole day.

Chal , I gotta go to sleep now, have a guest lecture early morning tomorrow, and I gotta ensure I dont get kicked out of the class this time atleast - Ramdev baba, in management college ke professors ko bhi subhe subhe yoga karne ke faayda baatayein - kam se kam hum ko to thoda aur sone ko mil jaayega

Chalo more discourses later dis week - ciao!!